HUMBLE PIE!  OH MY OH MY!!

AND now literally minutes after finishing my neat and tidy blog

entry about compassion and walking alongside people in their tough

times, I just failed miserably with my own sweet husband.  Why are

we always slowest to serve those who are most treasured to us?

In the midst of this frozen tundra Rich ran out to run errands and

get special ‘sleepover’ treats for Lilli’s sleepover tonight.  He

called to check in from the grocery store to say he was off to

get Ryann early so as not to let the weather get in the way of they

girl's sleepover. And instead of me saying great honey thanks be safe,

I make some sarcastic remarks about him panicking in the weather!

He let me have it with, “Donna, sometimes you have so little compassion

when it is not something that you relate to”!

At the risk of being a BIG FAT HYPOCRITE, I will still post my entry, but

know that I have apologized to my sweet hubby and will try harder!

Every day!

Donna’s Life Application Verse For Today!!

Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone. John 8:7

who says God doesn't have great timing and a sense of humor!!!

Baghhahhahah...

ORIGINAL POST BEFORE DESSERT OF HUMBLE PIE!

I Am With You…..

Sometimes you feel as if you are in a free fall, when people or things you had counted on

let you down.  Especially people, and when they let you down its hard.  You feel hurt and

sometimes alone.

Yet I am always with you; you hold me by my right hand. Psalm 73:23

I Am With You. These four words are a safety net, protecting you from falling into despair.  Remembering this

changes your perspective radically.  Not only is He with me, but he is holding my hand.

Misery Loves Company…..

Obviously, I’m not the sharpest crayon in the box, but I never knew the phrase

Misery Loves Company meant you wanted to bring someone down to your level so they

too were miserable – that in making them feel badly about themselves you in turn feel better

about yourself.

God wired me with a little extra dose of compassion and for that I am grateful.

I thought it was simply that every battle is fought harder and made lighter when

someone is walking with you. And as I grow in his grace and trust in His

provisions for knowing best, I am more easily able to walk beside without 

becoming codependent. But wow, I missed the real meaning behind

 Misery Loves Company! And that’s ok!

My version of Misery Loves Company….

Now when Job's three friends heard of all this evil that was come upon him, 

they came every one from his own place… for they had made an appointment together to

come to mourn with him and to comfort him. Job 2:11

No matter what our foundations,

Let’s be the friend who comes from our own place…to comfort others.

WAIT!!!!

 WE'RE SUPPOSED TO BE ON A PLANE HEADED FOR A WEEK IN CALIFORNIA

instead.....

DAY 2
of

RADIATION for ME
and

STOMACH FLU RICH

Rich was invited by our Pro at Loudoun Golf & Country Club to play in a ProAm Tournament in Lojolla, California next week.  We made plans to make a full week of it - we were to head out this morning - we had plans to meander up the coast just taking it all in.  Relaxing in a place both physically and mentally  -  sharing this experience together just the two of us.  I've never been.... and Rich has always wanted to do this with me and share some of his favorite places.  Then we were going to join the golf foursome for some great golf and ladies times!

We even had the wonderful Beth Kelley all booked to keep our sweet little birdy while we were gone!  Imagine Lilli's disappointment!!!

In this I trust Him too, knowing that we will get another chance.

For now I'm most disappointed for my sweet man.  I hope another ProAm is right around the corner as well as our coast adventure!  Love you Big Daddy!!!  You are the Best!

More Fun Ahead For Us!

Lilli Has A Fat Lip & I Have Cancer!!

THREE AM HEAVENLYS

I love my early early mornings which usually begin around 3 AM when I take my pain meds.  Although I keep my medicine on my bedside table and feel as though I've barely moved in taking them, it's enough to wake my little snuggly-mate, Miss Primrose.  I give her credit she initially tries to re-situate herself and sometimes it works but usually we are outside walking by 4 AM.

During our early outings I am so completely peaceful with the world. I'm not tired, I'm not anxious I'm not anything. I feel like God and I are there in that moment and He is giving me my daily gift - right there in that moment with Him in the complete silence and darkness he hands it to me.

Cancer a GIFT?  Now, you know I'm crazy!  It's not the Cancer that's the gift but it's all that has fallen to the sides because of the cancer!  Just ripped away. It's all gone!

Nothing is so important as living for good.  I stand there and I am thankful for this gift.  It's as if He and I are in agreement like i've never been before.  It's as if I knew it was coming all along and I am so prepared for this.  I'm so prepared to let it all fall...it is nothing.  Nothing. I really feel as though I'm on a different plane now - I'm walking in the heavenlys on earth.  It's the most amazing feeling and while I know there will be lots of difficulties during this journey I am ok with it.  I am committed to being grace filled and to encourage others to see if we can all just live with a little more of  'heaven on earth'.

I dare say we've all had these wakup calls through the years.  Those magical moments that force us all to pause and try to readjust how we walk through life vowing to slow down and take advantage of all the beauty.  Not letting life race by.  But alas we seem to not be able to hold the place for too long.

And true to form, even in my super great heavenly place a little hell breaks loose!  Sunday evening Rich was having an allergic reaction to something and we double dosed him with benedryl.  He was out like a light.  Lilli appeared around 7pm throwing up.  She was up all night and on several occasions she did not make her destination!  Needless to say it was a long icky night.  Around 5 AM Prim can wait no longer and we start out for walk.  Lilli came back down just then and i told her to go to the bathroom in my bedroom and I'd meet her there.  I'm thinking she's fine.  Imagaine my shock when I return inside just a few minutes later to Rich being totally disoriented and scared and Lilli with a split lip!!!  Poor girlie, seems she fainted when she got to our bathroom door.  I felt so bad for her.  Prim didn't seem to notice!


PS GUESS WHO WAS UP ALL NIGHT LAST NIGHT...yours truly.  My 4 am walk wasn't quite as pleasant, but i'm feeling much better today and happy to report I'm having my hair done today. Yeah!

Be blessed!

Thank Me for the conditions that are requiring you to be still.Do not spoil these quiet hours by wishing them away, waiting impatiently to be active again. Some of the greatest works in My kingdom have been done from sick beds and prison cells. Instead of resenting the limitations of a weakened body, search for My way in the midst of these very circumstances. Limitations can be liberating when your strongest desire is living close to Me.

Quietness and trust enhance your awareness of My Presence with you. Do not despise these simple ways of serving Me. Although you feel cut off from the activity of the world, your quiet trust makes a powerful statement in spiritual realms. My Strength and Power show themselves most effective in weakness.

“Be still before the Lord, all mankind, because he has roused himself from his holy dwelling.”

—Zechariah 2:13

This is what the Sovereign Lord, the Holy One of Israel, says: “In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength, but you would have none of it.”

—Isaiah 30:15

But He said to me, My grace (My favor and loving-kindness and mercy) is enough for you [sufficient against any danger and enables you to bear the trouble manfully]; for My strength and power are made perfect (fulfilled and completed) and show themselves most effective in [your] weakness. Therefore, I will all the more gladly glory in my weaknesses and infirmities, that the strength and power of Christ (the Messiah) may rest (yes, may pitch a tent over and dwell) upon me!

—2 Corinthians 12:9 amp

YOLO

A lot of people have expressed their feelings of anger at God over my being sick.

It's amazing to me that people would care enough about me that they would be angry at the great I Am.

That somehow I've had a significant impact in their lives that they would dare stand up for me!

Say No!

Not Fair!

What would they suggest?  Someone else?



But honestly, Why NOT ME?

As theses symptoms have progressed and the diagnoses have come in, I haven't once thought why me?  Not once!

Now I've had a few moments of HOW LONG!

The funny thing is everyone seems ok with the question of WHY ME 
but not with HOW LONG!

They say, "Don't say that! Don't think about that! Don't look at those statistics, that website, that case!  And what ever you do, don't GOOGLE IT!


But what if HOW LONG turned into a movement - a great big beautiful movement of love.

Love is an action you know.

What if we asked a HOW LONG, every day?  If we intentionally thought, HOW LONG maybe we would live more intentionally in the world.

But the challenge is not to live in a self absorbed free falling YOLO....

But in a LET ME MAKE IT COUNT 'YOLO'.

In my world this is reinforced by my deep belief in Jesus being the son of God and as a follower for me I am committed to trying to live according to what I believe He calls me to.

That may not be your guide, your rock, your belief, but because I believe it so completely I hope it is or that someday it will be.

But for now, I simply challenge you as my friend to love fiercely - to those you know and those you don't.  To know that every smile, every opened door, every entry onto a crowded road, every understanding nod to a struggling person will just make everything a little better.

If you merely love those who love you,

what quality of credit and thanks is that to you?

For even the very sinners love their lovers Luke 6: 32

Let's not merely say that we love each other,

let us show the truth by our actions  (1 John 3:18 NLT) 

 Let your love be sincere a real thing;

hate what is evil

hold fast to that which is good. Romans 12:9

  

Bethel Music - It is Well (Live)

But I've Never Smoked....

Official Diagnosis is LUNG CANCER.  New pathology panel has been ordered to figure out the exact mutations so that we will know which treatment therapies work best.  The first priority remains shrinking the skullbase tumor – radiation begins this Thursday.
I have had a few moments of despair at the thought of how much or should I say how little time I have left.  This despair helps no one…. I shall let it go….
So for today, I leave this…



February 13
Peace be with you! Ever since the resurrection, this has been My watchword to those who yearn for Me. As you sit quietly, let My Peace settle over you and enfold you in My loving Presence. To provide this radiant Peace for you, I died a criminal’s death. Receive My Peace abundantly and thankfully. It is a rare treasure, dazzling in delicate beauty yet strong enough to withstand all onslaughts. Wear My Peace with regal dignity. It will keep your heart and mind close to Mine.
On the evening of that first day of the week, when the disciples were together, with the doors locked for fear of the Jews, Jesus came and stood among them and said, “Peace be with you!” … Again Jesus said, “Peace be with you! As the Father has sent me, I am sending you.”
—John 20:19, 21
“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.”
—John 14:27


February 14
Give yourself fully to the adventure of today. Walk boldly along the path of Life, relying on your ever-present Companion. You have every reason to be confident, because My Presence accompanies you all the days of your life—and onward into eternity.
Do not give in to fear or worry, those robbers of abundant living. Trust Me enough to face problems as they come, rather than trying to anticipate them. Fix your eyes on Me, the Author and Perfecter of your faith, and many difficulties on the road ahead will vanish before you reach them. Whenever you start to feel afraid, remember that I am holding you by your right hand. Nothing can separate you from My Presence!
Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.
—Hebrews 12:2
“For I am the Lord, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you.”—Isaiah 41:13

How Can I Be So Loved?

There seems to be a wave of shock and disbelief concerning my current medical status.  As most of you know, just a few months ago I was actively engaged in my crazy life with Lilli, Chloe, Owen,  Jake, Hunter, Tucker, RICH, work, the windy hill fashion show, friends, friends, friends and lots of other stuff!  Thanksgiving and Christmas were upon us and everyone started to get back into the swing of life after the first of the year.  Life seemingly ebbing and flowing as it should.  Some people knew I had been having some pretty big pain issues involving my head and neck, but when Cara's email came out on Thursday, February 5th all hell broke loose amongst my peeps!!!  And boy do I have a lot of peeps!  Some even thought Cara's email was a joke.

The month of January was crippling for me and I had become unable to function in normal daily routine - talking, swallowing, sleeping, working, reading, driving.  The doctor appointments we getting closer together and I was in need of help as I couldn't drive.  Rich had just started a new job and I was reluctant to have him take so much time off. In stepped Big Bad Cara to sound the ALERT!  And sound it she did.  The really beautiful thing is Cara has walked this path before with doctors and pathology and scheduling and is incredibly organized and doesn't mind saying the hard things in the right way with the right intention.  So, yes, on occasion she will be speaking for me, for Rich, for our family.  And yes, sometimes she will be the person saying please give Donna some space as I am not good at saying that myself.

The good news is I am on new pain meds which are working pretty well.  I am still unable to drive.  Due to the location of the skull base tumor, talking, swallowing, etc. is difficult.  These very normal activities cause tremendous stress on my skull and the pain medicine losses its effectiveness.  Please understand that I am working hard to limit myself - the act of act speaking and being in an environment where there is stimulation and other noises are very difficult for me. Even a few hours of verbal communication can start an onset of brutal evening pain that leaves me helpless.  Texting, emailing and blogging are relatively easy right now and I am enjoying reaching out his way.  I switched from the caring bridge blog that Cara was maintaining and I am now maintaining this one myself!

The outpouring of love from Cara's ALERT has been mindboggling!!!  How can I be so loved?  How?  I really don't have words!