All For One and One For All...

Good Evening Friends.  I have missed writing to you.  I want to be better, but for some reason I wanted my blog posts to be meaningful as well as informative about my health.  Maybe that's asking too much.

My last blog post was January 18, 2016.  Seems like such a long time ago....

JANUARY

As much as we'd love to have a house full of puppies there was not even a tiny possibility of us allowing Primrose to be bred so off she went to Towne Animal Clinic in Leesburg, Virginia.  Our normal veterinarian is Dr. Susie Cooke.  She is like a magic fairy that comes to your home and takes care of your animals in their natural habitat.  Susie loves Prim as well as all of our other animals.  Prim is so excited to see her and her assistant. They have ample treats and pats and hugs for their hard work.  Prim's spay happened just after our 35 plus inches of snow.  Lilli went to her friend Madi's house on Friday before the snow came and she stayed until maybe Wednesday of the following week.  It was mostly fun, but I missed hugging her and chatting at nights.

The snow threw us for a loop.  We didn't leave our house for a full week.  Once we got out it was liberating but honestly, I loved every minute of being snowed in with the exception of missing my lilli bird.

FEBRUARY
We were still making our way around in the snow left from the January Blizzard.  Lilli got a role in the school production of Peter Pan.  She was excited and did a wonderful job.  I honestly think she could have handled a much bigger part, but hopefully by doing good work, she will receive that next year.  Due to the blizzard of 2016 we missed lots of practices and several performances.  The children were wonderful and the show went off without a hitch!

On the 26th of the month my parents celebrated their 60th wedding anniversary.  It's truly amazing to see how my dad still loves my mom and she in return loves him.  Both of my brothers, my sis-in-law Judy, Chloe and the little boys, Rich, Lilli and I were with mom and dad at a small not so good Mexican dinner to celebrate.  Dad and I were seated at opposite ends of the long skinny table.  During dinner, in the midst of all the chaos, with the kids bickering and Tommy talking way too loud I looked up and saw dad eating and looking just as happy as ever.  Any chance he got he would make sure everyone knew that he was celebrating his 60th anniversary.  It was so very cute!  Sadly, I forgot to take a picture of all of us.


MARCH
March rolled in and so did more pain.  My spine and my hips have noticeable pain and I am more fatigued on a daily basis. Often just a simple step down causes big pain throughout my body.  But mostly days are good and for that I am truly thankful.

Lilli finished up another WLBL season.  She had a great time, but her team record didn't fair so well and they lost a heartbreaker in the playoffs.    Next year will prove to be fun and interesting as Rich has decided to coach.  Lilli is very excited for this. March Madness was also fun around the house until UVA fell apart in the second half of their elite 8 game against Syracuse...needless to say, Big Daddy was a little miffed.

We spent Spring Break with our good friends the Sowards, the Jenkins and the English's as well as Lilli bringing her friend Madi.  It was one of the best vacations ever.  It never got warm enough to joyfully swim but Lilli and Madi managed a couple jump ins.  I had a fabulous time and those women never let me lift a finger.  I was so well taken care of.

Additionally, we celebrated my Dad's 83rd birthday on the 24th of March.  What a beautiful day.  I do not take a single day I have with my both my dad and my mom for granted.  It's hard to believe that not only am I still daddy's girl, but I've continued to draw closer to him these last few years.

My appointments with Dr. Heyer remained uneventful with scans showing things as steady.  Pain is believed to be bone pain.  Steady is good.  No progression is good.

Thing ONE and Thing TWO celebrating Dr. Seuss's birthday! 

APRIL/MAY
We started April by celebrating Jake's 22nd birthday at Clyde's.  His little sister was more than excited to see her Big Bro.  But no more excited than his dad and I.

My XGeva shot continues to cause me to be really sick for three to four days.  It's awful.  It feels like a horrible case of the flu.  So bad I can hardly move, hardly speak - it stinks!!  I'm thinking we may stop doing these if they continue causing me so much discomfort afterwards.

As May rolled in so did the monsoon season.  Soccer and golf are in full swing with the exception of all the cancellations due to the 18 days of straight rain!!!

So, it's time to do full scans

So, off to the scans....

I had the scans on Wednesday before Mother's Day, followed by the XGeva injection on Friday before Mother's Day.

We celebrated Sunday Morning with Mother's Day Breakfast.  Mom and Dad, Chloe and the little boys and Rich, Lilli and I met at LG&CC for early breakfast.  Chloe had to go to work so we took the  boys and mom and dad to church with us.

               
                  

 

After church I took a nap with Tucker.  I woke up with  a stabbing pain in my left calf.  I had the same pain earlier in the day, but it was now much worse than before.  After a couple more hours and a conversation with my NP Mary Steimer, we decided to go get checked for blood clots.

We were treated promptly and with expert care at Inova Loudoun's ER and Radiology Departments where I underwent a Doppler test and a CT on my chest to look for embolisms.  Both tests were negative so we were allowed to leave.  By the time we pulled into our driveway and I got out of the car the full-blown side effects of the XGeva had taken over.  I was SICK.  I practically crawled into bed and stayed until Tuesday of that week.  Once the negative side effects were gone I was good!

Next was my follow up with Dr. Heyer to go over my report!  Long story short, my lung tumors are progressing.  Progress is not a good word when dealing with CANCER!  One tumor in my lung has grown on one bias by 50% and is now pressing on my pulmonary artery.  I now experience many symptoms that I've avoided up till now.  Those include: shortness of breath, pressure on my chest and lungs, pain when bending over, becoming easily winded - especially when climbing stairs, carrying things or bending over.  It is a very uncomfortable feeling.  I feel anxious about how I feel.  Honestly, I've been a bit sad as I now feel SICK.  I feel like I have lung cancer.

So, there are a couple of ways to handle these tumors.  One is to biopsy and see if the tumor has developed a resistance to the chemo meds.  If it has, then we would treat the tumor with a resistance inhibitor and then continue with the chemo I'm currently taking.

We can treat the growing tumor with radiation, which is the quickest way to shrink a tumor and I would not have to wait for the biopsy to see if the tumor has developed a resistance and then treat it - we can begin radiation immediately while remaining on chemo.

Dr. Heyer felt that immediate radiation is the best option for me as he wants the tumor off my pulmonary artery and he wants me to continue with the chemo.

He sent me to see my old friend Dr. Bajaj at Fairfax Hospital for him to review my scans.  He is the leading Radiology Oncologist.  Additionally, he wants me to have a brain MRI as I've been having more headaches and waking up with serious head pain.

I had my brain MRI done on Friday at noon and met with Dr. Bajaj immediately following.  Dr. Bajaj agrees with Dr. Heyer.  He feels the best route of treatment is radiation to my left lung.  He ordered me to start the first of June and have 20 sessions.  He also reviewed my brain MRI and it showed nothing new.  He believes that is simply bone pain from the cancer.

I have had my initial simulation/consultant appointment with the radiology department getting my upper body mold made and getting my temporary tattoos put in place.  Permanent tattoos will be done the day of my first treatment.  (Hoping Owen will come up with something clever for me to turn these tats into).  I will begin treatment on Monday, June 6th with treatment every day (except Saturday and Sunday) until July 1st.

The possible side effects are tiredness and feeling run down, sore throat and trouble swallowing, a cough, hair loss, chest pain, a temperature and shivering, feeling sick, sore skin in the treatment area.  This radiation will hopefully not be as bad for me as the radiation I had on my head/brain was.  I ended up quite sick but am hoping this will be better.  No matter how sick I am confident it will shrink my tumors!

I admit I'm disappointed to learn my tumors are growing and even a bit fearful at the undertaking of radiation again, but My God is not surprised nor worried.  Nothing has changed for HIM. He loves me as much as always.  He goes before me and He guards the rear.  I am reminded that...

I am the head and not the tail.

AMEN!

This Little Light Of Mine

Friday, January 15



Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Romans 12:12

I have been in bed most of the last 48 hours. My XGeva injection (which I received Wednesday morning and receive every 28 days) has, for the last two months, been knocking me on my bum for a week or two after receiving it. I am so weak and tired I'm barely able to get out of bed. I feel as though I am going downhill fast and I tend to be a bit emotional because I'm so tired and worn down.

Today, in the midst of feeling this way God in his awesomeness reminded me of his love, his faithfulness and to love others....


The first was a friend wrote to share a piece of her journal entry... "What is life all about? Doing good and being comfortable? No! It's about glorifying God in all that we do, no matter what the situation. May others see God's hand and light upon us so that we can draw others to Him. Donna Barkley is an excellent example of this.  Thanks for being a wonderful example of how to live, you encourage many and more importantly, please the Lord!"


Then I received these pictures of my boy.  First one -I immediately texted back ....... Ahh, The face I love more than life itself!  In this picture I see my son healthy, peaceful, joyful and the light back in his eyes! Hopeful!

Then he sent this one with the caption...
"My friend T. We're the only black people at oak tree..ha!


In this picture and in his caption I see my son having fun with friends - laughing and enjoying life again.




My gratitude for where Owen is now and how hard he's working leaves me speechless really only able to thank God for his promises for my son.




In the midst of such personal affirmations from Christ I have felt such profound sadness today due to the news of a high school boy who hung himself yesterday on a playground. I cannot imagine the magnitude of pain his family is feeling although there have been times my own prayers were nothing more than sobs and moanings to God.

  ...the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans.  Romans 8:26

God knows this family's pain at the loss of their boy. Just as he knows my friend's pain at the sudden loss of her dad and my suffering with cancer.  These things are hard and some unimaginable yet I still believe God is in charge and He is GOOD. And only He could give peace in the midst of such darkness.  Let's cling to that peace -HIS peace and let it cause a reflection of Him from us onto others.

It's really simple. Look around for the shadows and let your little light shine. Remember that old childhood Sunday School song, This Little Light of Mine?  Go ahead... Let It Shine!!


Ironicly -Not really -Just God's amazing timing ... my friend Kelly Wing sent me this picture as I was finishing writing this last night.





The Wall Of Thankfulness

During the summer, Eddie painted an area on our kitchen wall with chalk paint turning it into a chalkboard or as I like to call it a chalk wall.  We have had so much fun using it to display our words and sentiments.  Funny how such a small area has allowed us to express such big heartfelt words.

I believe the initial chalking was Lilli's countdown to summer camp, Camp Green Cove.  Next it was a Welcome Home Lilli quickly followed up with a Happy 11th Birthday Lilli Birdy!  September brought on Rich's 54th Birthday wishes followed quickly by sweet wishes from Lilli and Rich to me for my birthday.

Next followed a big burnt orange HELLO FALL!  We loved that one... each of us occasionally speaking aloud our own... Hello Fall to the chalk-wall and whomever was standing in ear shot.  But my favorite was the Thankfulness chalking!  I loved this one so much that when Lilli prematurely erased it (two days before Thanksgiving), what could I do but start over.  A box of chalk remained on the counter so we could add things as we were so motivated.  Sometimes we weren't sure who added what.  That made it even more fun.

During this last month Rich and I have been going through a particularly tough time in our family with our relationship with Owen.  Sadly, we found ourselves in a place where Owen had to leave our home and was not welcome back on our property.  I was a mess as I decided, for the first time in our 11 years of marriage to honor Rich and our marriage before my feelings for Owen-always feeling like I needed to protect him and help him instead of allowing him to live with the consequences of his decisions.  I knew it was what I needed to do, but I'm telling you it was the hardest thing I have ever done.  Not knowing where my son would end up felt like it was going to kill me.  And the pain my husband was feeling over the situation was just as painful to watch.  I knew I had to lean on God to get me through this, because there was no way I could do it on my own.  As Thanksgiving day drew closer and closer, I found myself worried about Owen and where he would be on Thanksgiving Day. Thinking how could I be joyful and thankful when my only son was homeless.  I pressed in to God like I never have.

Unbeknowst to me, Owen had reached out to a couple of men who had mentored him last year when he was in North Carolina.  He talked with them and before I knew it he was on his way to North Carolina to work with them again.  We just spoke on Monday and he sounded great.   He texted with me this evening saying in part... "Really good day...Super thankful I'm sober again!  It feels so good." I could not have gotten a better message.  I needed some encouragement and God knew that.

Additionally, over the last month, I have been experiencing more pain and more 'sick' days.  These days are hard to explain.  Some days I feel so tired and completely fatigued - I have trouble getting out of bed.  On these days I usually head back to bed after dropping Lilli at school and rest for several hours - sometimes most of the day.  Sometimes, I feel rest and sleep will get me through the day.  Other days I feel nauseous and I take pain meds around the clock.  My pain primarily lingers in my hips, lower back, femur, knees, arms, elbows, wrists and hands.

My XGeva injection was scheduled for yesterday.  When I woke I had pain in my chest and back and felt as though I had trouble taking a deep breathe.  When I arrived at my visit I had my normal blood work, etc. done but after letting Kristin (my nurse) know how I felt she checked my blood oxygen level and it was a bit compromised (85... not my best effort).  Kristin consulted with Mary (the doc) and down the hall I went to the patient room (I was currently in the infusion room).  After examining me and listening to my description of the last few days, she decided I should have a CT of my chest to see what was going on inside.  I headed over to the imaging building and after the scan was complete and the doctor reviewed it, I was told I had no embolism and was allowed to leave.  Yay!

Later last night, my Mary called to follow up with me about the scan.  The good news was indeed that there were no blood clots or any fluid around my lungs.  The not so good news....  My tumor has grown in the last 2 months.  Progression??  Not a good word with cancer.  So over the next week I will have the remaining abdominal, pelvic, bone and brain scans and we will determine what the next plan of action is.  Whether we discontinue the Gilotrif (my oral chemo) and try another one - do we biopsy the tumor to see if I have developed a mutation that resists the Gilotrif.  Evidently, there is a new medicine that fights that mutation - getting rid of it so the Gilotrif will once again work.

Mary called me again, today to let me know she had consulted with Dr. Heyer.  He said he wants to see the results from my new scans before we label this progression.  So, in the meantime I will get the additional scans.  Hearing he does not want to label it progression just yet has lighten my heart this afternoon after having a pretty tearful morning with my darling husband.

I know God hasn't finished my story with its many beautiful characters....  My love story with my sweet husband, Chloe and her boys growing stronger on their own and being a family unit secure within their sweet little family, my son Jake finishing school and continuing to enjoy his music career, watching Lilli as she blossoms into a young woman exploring school, music, sports, friendships, boys (wait no boys), watching Owen arise from the ashes into the man God intends for him to be, all the while enjoying more time with my parents and my brothers and all my wonderful friends.

All these characters in my beautiful life remind me of my wall of chalk. I imagine God just adding more and more beautiful things and not seeing the story until the wall is finished.

As I looked back over the wall of Thankfulness it was fun to see where the words ended up...for instance someone put the word FREEDOM and someone put the word OWEN.  They ended up next to each other as though God was saying OWEN WILL BE FREE FROM WHAT BINDS HIM.  RICH and DAD were next to each other with the kids names there.  They represent the LEADERS OF MY FAMILY.  DREAMS reminding me of Psalms 37:4 TAKE DELIGHT IN THE LORD AND HE WILL GIVE YOU THE DESIRES OF YOUR HEART (DREAMS).

No matter where I find myself, I don't have to ask who is writing my story or where it will end up, because I know I couldn't even imagine the beauty of it all in the end.

These are a few of my favorite things....

It has been over four months since my last blog entry.  How can that be?  What has kept me so busy?

Here are a few of my favorite things....

• A week at the outerbanks during shark week (literally).  Lilli and her bff, Ryann had fun inspite of only going in to knee high water.  Once our friends Julie and Meagan Krone joined us we ventured to thigh-high water. (Shhhh don't tell big Daddy aka Mr. Safety he would not be happy!)

• My sweet sweet friend, Nancy, and her family moved to Dallas, Texas.  Nancy has been one of my closest friends for 14 years and this is the second time I have had to say goodbye when she moved to Texas.  Here's hoping she moves back in a few years - just like last time.

• Lilli said so long to her BFF, Ryann Markel and her family.  They set out to Denver, Colorado.  We miss them terribly.  Lilli has shed lots of tears over these last four months.

• Dinners and lunches with some of my old high school buddies: Tammy, Dottie and Lori.  So many laughs and tears with this sweet group of friends. Dinner with Angela English. A few breakfasts with our friends Alan and Traci.

• Lilli set off to Camp Green Cove in North Carolina for two weeks.  Rich and I slipped away for a get away in Asheville, NC before we picked up Lilli from camp.

• Hunter turned 8 years old!

• Several trips to Dirt Farm Brewing Company.  Magnificent views, great food and good beer!

• Start of Middle School for Lilli.  So fun seeing her growing up and taking on new challenges.  Another fun part of middle school is one of my former youth group girls is all grown up Kellie McDermott Koptish and she is the 6th grade Dean.  Nothing like having someone on the INSIDE! :)

• Lilli fell off a bike an injured her growth plate in her left wrist.  NO VOLLEYBALL - missed the entire season with the exception of the first two practices. :(  Her team finished 2nd overall.

• Said goodbye to Lilli's other BFF Wendie and her family.  Lilli's heart has sure been knocked around the past few months.

• I decided it was time to do something about my hair loss.  I got my first pixie cut in 45 years! Oh, my aunt Betty Ann would love it!

• Quick trip to the Myrtle Beach, SC with brother Eddie to visit my parents and bring grandbirdy, Hunter home to start school.

• Rich's 54th Birthday was celebrated with his favorite dinner and a birthday cake.

• My annual Florida trip with my BFF, Gail.  We treasure this trip and missed it last year so we were especially excited for this sweet sweet time together.  It didn't disappoint.

• My 52nd birthday!  I felt horrible that week and cancelled a couple celebrations, but a few days later I celebrated on numerous occasions with lunch and dinner with Mary Jo and Sandi and Tammy, Dottie and Lori, and lunch with a group of my tennis pals.  Got the best gift - WOOL SOCKS.  I never knew what I was missing.  If you have never had them you MUST try a pair.  You won't regret it.  Sometimes I just put my socks on and I immediately begin to feel better.

• My old friend Ellen has been home from Atlanta staying with her mom so we've been able to see each other on several occasions.  It's a tender time she is going through, but I'm so grateful for our time while she's here with her mom.

• Celebrated sweet Justice's 10th Birthday.  So fun to celebrate her with lots of her friends.

• Sweet grandbirdy #2, Tucker and I have hung out a good bit.  It has been so much fun getting to know this funny little guy.  He is so sweet.  I sure am blessed.

• Rich had his left hip replaced on October 21st.  He is back to work and doing amazingly well.  The right hip replacement is schedule for December 28th.  Just in time for the new year.

• Received over 55,000 prayers from my pal Gail Suitor in the form of a beautiful hand knitted blanket.  I will be covered in her prayers each time I use it.
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• Lilli and Primrose enjoyed a safe and not to spooky Halloween.

• Lilli auditioned for Harmony's musical, Peter Pan and got a part as an Indian.  We are all dancing around the house chasing pirates and hiding from the lost boys!

• Another successful piano recital.  Thank you Jo Hughes for loving and teaching my daughter.

• Gal pal Joylyn Hannahs hosted a lovely FAVORITE THINGS party.  How fun.  We each arrived to the party with four of our favorite three things.  Four jars of chutney, four wool socks and four coffee mugs for a total of 12 items.  You then go in a specified order and choose 12 things from what others have brought.  Like a cookie swap - so much fun!!!

• Basketball season has started for Lilli and she has her first game this weekend.

So, on the cancer front, I remain much the same with the exception of having continuous pain.  Pain in my hips, back, sacrum and femurs.  I am taking pain medicine and will have new scans in December to see if anything has changed.  At my last scan there was noticeable shrinkage in two of my lung tumors!  That's good news.  At that point we have all that we can hope for - no new sites and shrinkage in existing tumors.  God is good, all the time.

They will soar on wings like eagles (Isaiah 40:31)

This is one of my favorite bible verses. Burdens can be so difficult. And a burden for one may not be a burden for another.  In the last few years my primary burden has been worry for my children.  Watching their lives unfold in less than favorable ways has been so painful.  I want to make everything better and easy for them, but know that God has plans for their life just as He has for mine.  It's not always easy.  I continually strive to love them like Christ, but to let Him carry them and not let worry burden me.  Admittedly, I've done a poor job a lot of the time.  I continually hand them over to Him and then take them back just to turn around and hand them back again.  In the end, I know that Jesus loves them both so much more than I could ever.  I know that as each one turns his/her life over to Him their troubles may not disappear, but He will give them wings like eagles so they may soar.

Many days the burden of worry I feel for my children, especially my son as addiction has tried to take his life more than once, is completely debilitating.  I feel as though its going to kill me.  It takes every ounce of strength I have to get through the day.  I cling to verses such as...

Matthew 18:12-14  What do you think? If a man has a hundred sheep, and one of them has gone astray, does he not leave the ninety-nine on the mountains and go in search of the one that went astray?  And if he finds it, truly, I say to you, he rejoices over it more than over the ninety-nine that never went astray.  So it is not the will of my Father who is in heaven that one of these little ones should perish.

Philippians 4:6  Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.

Psalm 56:8  You keep track of all my sorrows.  You have collected all my tears in your bottle.  You have recorded each one in your book.

Job 16:21  On behalf of a man, He pleads with God as one pleads for a friend.

Jeremiah 29:11  For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Isaiah 40:31 but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

There is a fable about the way birds first got their wings. The story goes that initially they were made without them. Then God made the wings, set them down before the wingless birds, and said to them,"Take up these burdens and carry them."

The birds had sweet voices for singing, and lovely feathers that glistened in the sunshine, but they could not soar in the air. When asked to pick up the burdens that lay at their feet, they hesitated at first. Yet soon they obeyed, picked up the wings with their beaks, and set them on their shoulders to carry them.

For a short time the load seemed heavy and difficult to bear, but soon, as they continued to carry the burden and to fold the wings over their hearts, the wings grew attached to their little bodies. They quickly discovered how to use them and were lifted by the wings high into the air. The weights had become wings.

This is a parable for us. We are the wingless birds, and our duties and tasks are the wings God uses to lift us up and carry us heavenward. We look at our burdens and heavy loads, and try to run from them, but if we will carry them and tie them to our hearts, they will become wings. And on them we can then rise and soar toward God.

There is no burden so heavy that when lifted cheerfully with love in our hearts will not become a blessing to us. God intends for our tasks to be our helpers; to refuse to bend our shoulders to carry a load is to miss a new opportunity for growth. J. R. Miller

No matter how overwhelming, any burden God has lovingly placed with His own hands on our shoulders is a blessing. 

Taken from the Streams in the Desert Devotional.

In the past few months God has allowed me a new burden.  The burden of Stage 4 Lung Cancer with metastases.  Funny, as I face this ‘burden’ I seem to carry it easier than I do the worry about my family and children.  I think its because I have no fear of death.  My faith is so completely secure in Christ and the fact that I will spend eternity worshiping him.  I am reminded that it is that same faith that gives me so many promises for my children and loved ones.  I work each day to perfect my faith in the one who loves like no other. Well, I guess no one is perfect (only Christ), right?  I’ll keep working on this - what are you working on?

p.s. holding steady on the cancer front.  spent last week in hatteras with Rich, Lilli and some friends and we all came home with our limbs attached - no shark bites for us!

Uninspired and Laying Low - filled with thanksgiving!

I haven't written lately as little seems to inspire or motivate me. My drug side effects are way less volatile which is great but they remain a nagging presence in the likes of chronic fatigue, loss of appetite coupled with nausea, sores in mouth and on my fingertips, acne and last but definitely not least... diarrhea - which is controlled as long as I keep enough Imodium on board.

While not much inspires me and my happy happy disposition seems fairly artificial, I do remain grateful that in the midst of this rotten disease I am reminded of God's grace and His perfect provisions and plan.

Over the last month I have felt well enough to meet up with friends and enjoy some great fellowship, food and laughs!

I was able to play golf with two of my oldest and dearest high school friends, Keith Seekford and Chuck Hardison as well as dear friend Mike Krone!  

I also attended all of Lilli's soccer games.  She played great this season and was really able to see how tough AND how rewarding the goalie position can be!

We also got to watch Lilli participate in her first 5K race.  How lucky was she that Ashleigh Hammer flew in the night before - just in time to run the race with her.  Nothing but love for that girl!!!!

I have had the thrill of going to Hunter's school to watch his spring sing and enjoy my first Grandparents' Day at Hill as well as hanging out this past week with him while his mom

worked.  I love that little grandbirdy of mine.

Additionally, I've had a few hours of just relaxing with Rich at the Dirt Farm Brewing Company and played a round or two of golf. I've also been able to drive myself when and where I needed to go.

       

Last week was a bit rough with more side effects and just feeling achy and blah as well as a bit down emotionally.  Which I'm sure is why I'm less than motivated to post. On Friday I put up a post on Facebook that said “I AM STRUGGLING! I’m just saying”  Within minutes I had friends posting and praying for me.  I received 56 comments in a matter of an hour or so.  The comments buoyed me and must have had a direct line to God as my spirit was lifted, I ate dinner and enjoyed a nice evening with Rich watching World Cup - US Women’s Soccer.  I had an amazing day on Saturday - able to eat 3 meals with almost no nausea, shopped with Lilli for teacher gifts and visited with Rich’s brother Bill.  Yesterday was such an awesome day.  We started by spending time together on our front porch, then heard an uplifting sermon and worshipped with great praise music at PBC.  The icing on the cake was being visited by two long time friends Larry and Rita Moon.  It was truly the highlight of my week.  God knew just how to bless me this weekend.  I needed time with family, prayer and the love of some great friends.  I’m still smiling from my visit with Rita and Larry.

I met with my oncologist last week and he was pleased I was managing the treatment so much better.  He thought I looked great and even commented that he liked my new haircut!!  I told him other than the nagging back pain (which I called sciatic pain) everything was pretty manageable (of course I would have told him a different story this past week).  He wants me to have a full body bone scan and ct scans.  He wants to see where we are and take a good look at my spine.  He doesn’t want me to do any more chiropractic work or play golf!  What no golf!!!! I was scheduled to play in an outing on Sunday!  He said the last thing he wants to do is to keep me from things I enjoy doing, but he wants to look at my spine first.  I told him ok, once I played on Sunday I would lay low until we met to discuss the scans.  I did play Sunday a week ago.  I had great fun, but honestly haven’t felt as good since then and have been laying low.

That’s all for now.  Remember to love others extravagantly.  Be authentic - sharing your struggles and victories with others.  Remember your authenticity with another may be all it takes for them to not feel alone and to feel loved.  It’s pretty easy.  

SOME ARE SILVER AND SOME ARE GOLD!

I have so many friends.  Some I’ve had for most of my life and some that I’ve just met in the last year or two.  I can't believe at 51 I still continue to make new friends on a regular basis and be surrounded by lifelong ones who remain steadfast and faithful.  Doesn't it seem a bit unfair for one person to have so many friends?  Aren’t you just a tiny bit envious?  I think God knew I needed a lot of support!!!

I constantly count my blessings as I think about all the people who are still texting, calling, sending cards, sending flowers, making meals, visiting, helping with Lilli, cleaning my house, driving me to doctors appointments, praying for me and more!  Recently, I have met a few people who barely have a support network and I'm inspired by their bravery and a bit saddened for them. Again I am truly overwhelmed by those who continue to love and care for me on a daily basis - and especially those who pray faithfully for me!

As I've mentioned before, I am unable to play tennis this season because of the metastasized cancer in my bones. No running right now!  About 10 days ago, I went to watch our team practice and when I arrived Korey called a halt to practice as the team came running to hug me. This group of ladies has been so supportive of me.  Most of these ladies I've only known a year or two and they are faithful as the day is long. It was great to be hugged and welcomed and loved on. It was great fun to watch the practice. They are looking so good, I’m not sure I’ll be able to come back next season!!! While there the girls showed me the new team shirts.  Imagine my surprise to find out they had my and Sonya’s initials embroidered onto the team shirts!!  Sonya is another team member fighting cancer!

Two weeks ago I met my good friend Cara Coleman for lunch in Leesburg.  It was the first time I’d driven to Leesburg since January.  It felt good and strange all at the same time.  What felt fabulous though was sitting outside in the sun eating a sandwich and hanging out with Big Bad Cara!!!  If you remember, Cara is the one who sent out the ALERT email letting everyone know of my initial diagnosis of the head tumor, my horrific pain and enlisting helpers, but forbidding people to bug me as I was literally incapacitated by the pain.  I think she scared a lot of people off - at least for a bit.  Cara and I met when her son Gibraltor and Lilli were in Mother’s Day Out preschool.  I knew I liked her, but guess what I too was afraid of her!!! Ha!  I had forgotten that.  I knew she was an attorney and I thought just too smart to want to be my friend!  Well, God had other plans.  We would continue to see each other and have small talks, but not really getting too close, but God was relentless in bringing her to my mind.  I would pray for her, but wasn’t really sure what to pray.  But God knew!  During this time Cara became pregnant with baby number FOUR.  I mentioned to her doing meals to help out as she already had three young children at home and her daughter Justice required special nursing care.  Needless to say, Cara has a lot to manage and she welcomed the help.  Well, God cracked the door for me to enter Cara’s life and I barged my way right in.  We became instant friends!  We have shared many laughs and tears through the last six years.  I consider my self so blessed to be her friend!  I hope you get to meet her someday - you will love her - and not be afraid!! ;)

The Babysitter’s Club…  TURNED FRIENDS

I started babysitting when I was 12 and a half. My first family was the Washburn Family.  I quickly grew to love Lang and Judy Washburn and their daughters Serena and Natalie.  Mr. Washburn had the best sense of humor and made me feel loved by giving me the nickname UGM (ugliest girl in Middleburg) which he fondly called me well into my forties until he passed away. I loved him and I know the feeling was mutual.  I remain friends with Mrs. Washburn to this date. But only if I call her Judy.  She is a beautiful friend who stays in close touch and brings me lovely meals and flowers.  Unfortunately, I don't get to see either Serena or Natalie very often but Judy keeps me updated on their wonderful lives and their children!

On my first babysitting job for Tim and Marty Sutherland, their daughter Cristin cried the entire time her parents were gone.  Tim and Marty (aka POPCORN) also have a son David (who just got married this past weekend). My mom stayed at home with our family but earned extra money by doing daycare in our house.   She babysat for David and Cristin Sutherland firmly sewing both of them into our family's heart. Cristin and I are friends to date and she is such a bright and loving person.  Joy exudes from her.  I was so touched when I received a bracelet that represents ’strength’ from Cristin.  I think of her every time I wear it.  I’m not sure how I finally won her over all those years ago, but I’m so thankful I did.  I love her and her family.

Mom also babysat for Cissy and Robin Rose - they were the same age as my brother Tommy and me.  Boy did we have some fun!  As I remember Tommy and Cissy used to get in more trouble than Robin and I did.  We had such fun in our little neighborhood and I will always treasure our memories and our friendship which has lasted the test of time!

Another family my mom babysat for were the Jacksons. Dr. Ronald and his wife Mary Jo and their two beautiful children Julia and Adam.  The years and miles have separated me from Adam, but Julia and I have remained in touch.  Mary Jo remains a close friend whom I love dearly.  She has been battling cancer for nearly 15 years. She is my champion whom I desire to emulate in this cancer dance.  Mary Jo is one of the most kind and generous people you will every meet!  Don't be fooled by her firecracker spunk and straight shooting - she is truly one of the most loving, gentle and giving people you will ever know.  I had the privilege of having lunch with her last week.  It was so good to visit with her and to laugh.  Did I mention how funny she is???

The last family my mom babysat for probably had one the biggest impacts on my life - Sandi and Drew Perkins.  Jennifer came into our family when she was just a baby.  She arrived shortly after my dad had back surgery and was off from work.  My dad bonded with Jennifer like she was his own.  And I WAS JEALOUS… I know very mature, but I was.  She brought such joy to my parents (and to me).  We had so much fun with her.  Next came her younger sister Stephanie who we also welcomed as our own.  To this day I am extremely close to Jennifer, Stephanie and Sandi.  When they got word of me being sick Jennifer came from Charlottesville along with Sandi for a visit.  Next came the word that Stephanie was flying in from Seattle, WA to visit me.  I was so touched that she would do this.  Stef and Sandi showed up to take me to the doctor, have lunch and run errands.  I was so excited to see them that I think I tired them out.  It was a full FUN day!  These girls remain treasures in my life and my mom and dad’s life.  There are no words to express the love our family has for them.  They are the two sisters I never had!

Sandi & Stef after a long day of doc appts, errands and fun!

Me as the Easter Bunny - maybe 1979?

Next came Brooke and Liza Costin.  This was one of my most regular babysitting jobs - these two girls.  I spent my early teen years through high school with this family.  I grew so close to the girls and their mom and dad, Betsy and Kelvy Costin.  We shared more laughs through the years and again Betsy became one of my good friends as I got older and the girls too!  Recently, I received a package that had these wonderful cozy pajamas in them.  Imagine my surprise when I found out that Brooke sent them to me.  How sweet and the part that brought me to tears was her card.  She had written ‘what me did?’  One time when Brooke was very young - probably just under two I went in to get her out of her bed and she threw up on herself while laying down - she looked up at me with those big beautiful blue eyes and said…. WHAT ME DID?  It has stuck for 35 years….well close to that - not exactly sure how old Brooke is now, but my heart loves her as much as back then - even more.  Now Liza my funny story is, I called Sandi (Liza’s step mom) to tell her I was pregnant and she started laughing as she just found out that Liza was pregnant as well.  OK, so I was a bit older when I had Lilli….  Liza and I gave birth just a couple days apart.  Who says God doesn’t have a sense of humor.

Another funny fact.... Years later both Sandi & Drew and Kelvy & Betsy divorced.  That's not funny, but what is is the fact that Sandi and Kelvy remarried to each other - so the four girls I was closest to became step sisters and remain sisters to this day.  It's so fun to get together with all of them!

These girls I’ve mentioned and their moms are truly treasures in my life.  I could go on and on about my love for them and tell so many funny and touching stories.  We sure have shared a lot of laughs and heartaches through the years.  I am so grateful for their friendships - each one unique to the individual but alike in the love I have for them!

Jennifer, Stef, Julia, Me, Brooke, Liza & Sandi

Health Update.....

As of today I'm managing pretty well with the new Chemo meds.  I am rarely nauseous but have major issues with diarrhea (oh yes, a post is coming about that... too funny not to laugh at and share!).   I now have this regiment of Imodium...there's a whole protocol for Chemo Diarrhea and Imodium... oh the things you learn.  Anyway, I hope to have a scan sometime in June or July to see if things have shrunk.  I'm on no pain medicine and am back to driving myself!  All of this is good news- don't you think?