It continues to be such a trying time. I willed myself out of bed this morning almost angrily saying I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me over and over again.  It was just the mantra I needed to stay upright and not vomit while doing our family's morning routine of Lilli up, dressed, fed, lunch packed and out the door for school and helping Rich in any way he needs to be off in a realively good note. The other goal of the morning is a new timing of when I take my nausea medicine along with chemo and other MEDS in an attempt to have less nausea.  And the most important goal is to try and be as normal for Lilli so she leaves without being too worried about me.

Lilli's worry and fear seem to be growing these past two weeks. I think it's not a coincidence that my increased nausea and general ill feeling.  Lilli got off the bus crying yesterday.  This continued until she fell asleep snuggled next to me in my bed all the while holding tightly to my hand. We spent the afternoon talking about everyday stuff with super hard stuff sprinkled in every few minutes. There weren't a lot of questions although the ones she asked were tough. She mainly kept saying I'm so worried about you. I'm worried that something is going to happen to you. She asked me what if our faith isn't true what if I don't go to heaven and what if I don't get to see you again. She said she wished there was proof. I said so do I. I told her that's why we call it faith because we can't see it. I reassured her that the doctors and medicine are helping me fight the cancer but all of our days are in God'd hands. I told her how much I love her and how much she loves me is small compared to how much HE loves us. I found myself struggling after she fell asleep last night with a bit of this isn't fair. Why me, why Lilli. Slowly in the midst of my heartache and in the quiet of the night I came back to why not me? Why not Lilli. We are loved fiercely by the King of Kings who knows every piece of this eternal puzzle and I will yield to Him.

I slept as though an angel had his arms wrapped around me and Lilli. She slept great as well.   I woke up to the nausea again this morning and started my chant... I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me! Repeat, Repeat, Repeat.....

April 15

Trust Me, and don’t be afraid. Many things feel out of control. Your routines are not running smoothly. You tend to feel more secure when your life is predictable. Let Me lead you to the rock that is higher than you and your circumstances. Take refuge in the shelter of My wings, where you are absolutely secure.

When you are shaken out of your comfortable routines, grip My hand tightly and look for growth opportunities. Instead of bemoaning the loss of your comfort, accept the challenge of something new. I lead you on from glory to glory, making you fit for My kingdom. Say yes to the ways I work in your life. Trust Me, and don’t be afraid.

“Surely God is my salvation; I will trust and not be afraid. The Lord, the Lord, is my strength and my song; he has become my salvation.”
—Isaiah 12:2

From the ends of the earth I call to you, I call as my heart grows faint; lead me to the rock that is higher than I. For you have been my refuge, a strong tower against the foe. I long to dwell in your tent forever and take refuge in the shelter of your wings.
—Psalm 61:2–4

But we all, with unveiled face, beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, just as by the Spirit of the Lord.
—2 Corinthians 3:18 nkjv


Whoops, doc just called and wants to see me for possible infusion so I'll fill you in later!!