She Laughs at Fear, Afraid of Nothing, She Does Not Shy Away from the Sword

It's fair to say that my overall health has declined these last eighteen months, which until recently I was blaming on menopause and my fragile emotional state due to years of codependency.  Not to mention my total lack of caring what food, liquid and nutrients I was putting into my body and the fact that the only exercise I was doing was an occasional 18 holes of golf or a tennis match.

Menopause is not for sissys and emotional codependency will wreck havoc on your entire mental and physical being if left unaddressed!  That's where I was in October/November/December when things slowly began to unveil themselves gathering momentum until we found out in January that menopause and codependency had set up house with Lung Cancer, a metastasized tumor in the base of the skull and bone cancer in the back and hips.

As I've mentioned in my previous blog posts, I believe that God's hands are all over this.  There is something so much bigger than me having cancer. Each day I love to see how things are unfolding.  It really is amazing to see all the wonderful restorative things God is doing in my life.  I will continue to fight something that is determined to take the life that He surely came to give.

John 10:10 The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.

The Stage Four Diagnosis is my call to get healthy.  To LIVE the best possible life I can with cancer.

Last weekend, I was up during the night to use the restroom.  When I got back in bed I became aware of how labored my breathing is even during the simplest of task such as walking 10 feet to the bathroom and back and getting into bed.  I feel slightly out of breath and like there is a tightness, pressure or heaviness in my lungs.  This caught me off guard and quite honestly made me sad.  As I lay there I silently wept not exactly sure of what I was feeling other than the agreement of my head, heart and body that yes, I am sick.

Since then, I've had a couple of these sad moments.  I can't quite put my finger on what's bothering me - just the realization that yes, I am sick.

I had my second dose of XGeva last Monday, March 16th and I began taking Tarceva, the Chemo drug, the following day.  Yesterday, March 27th, I had my first followup with Dr. Heyer.  He had said the first appointments would be more active and then things would calm down.  And active it was!  The side effects of Tarceva started almost immediately (blistering/pimples of the entire face, mouth sores, nausea, upset stomach, chills, cough) and Dr. Heyer had no trouble seeing them the minute he looked at me.  So, I started Doxycycline today for the skin sores.  In addition, I may need to do radiation on my left hip as i've got significant pain there as well due to the cancer in the hip bone.  But his big concern was when I talked to him about the pressure in my chest.  He was suspicious of blood clots and sent me straight for a CT Scan.
little stat...It's very common to have bloodclots in the first three months after cancer diagnosis, the risk of blood clots is 53 times higher than for people without cancer.  Patients whose cancer has spread to other parts of the body have a 20 times higher risk than cancer patients without distant spread.)

The CT tech told me that Dr. Heyer wanted me to come back to his office.  We all know what that means... they found something!!!  When I got back to the office I said, well, this can't be good!  He smiled and said - it was as I expected, you have several blood clots in your lungs!  OH Boo!!  And you aren't going to like what I have to say... No beach.... OH Boo!!!  So, Jessica Dr. Heyer's PA introduced me the blood thinners which I will give to myself by injection 2 times a day.  I will be doing this for the foreseeable future.  I have a doppler ultrasound scheduled for Monday morning.  This will help determine if i have normal blood flow with no evidence of clotting.  My hope is this will come back clear and I may be able to meet Rich and Lilli at the beach.  OH BY THE WAY, Rich and Lilli decided to go to the beach without me.  They left this morning and seem to be having a good time.  I was so sad last night about not going to the beach - as much as I love the beach - my sadness was really about the disappointment for Lilli.  I hate to see Lilli's life being impacted due to cancer.

As I close for tonight, I am reminded of one of my favorite scenes from the movie Secretariat. I've attached the clip. Hope you enjoy it.

I see Sham being my cancer and I'm secretariat!  This race seems impossible but it's not.... for I can do all things with Christ who strengthens me...






She laughs at fear, afraid of nothing, she does not shy away from the sword, she cannot stand still when the trumpet sounds... Job 39:22

He Ain't Heavy He's My Brother

Today my brother Edward Swain​  leaves the VA Hospital in Martinsburg, WV where he has been participating in their intensive inpatient addiction recovery program for over five months.  There have been so many amazing things that have happened during this time that I hope to write about on my blog www.donnakbarkley.blogspot.com soon.

But, for right now - i just wanted to thank God for his provision and offer a blessing to the men and women who have served our country and for all those who fight addiction on a daily basis.  Many people fight addiction losing the battle for their entire life.  They restart and fight and fight hard, but Addiction is a beast.  People who fail to addiction are not weak they are sick.  It is a disease it is the ugliest.  Trust me no one wants to be an addict.

Addiction has stolen many things from me personally, my parents, my other sweet brother Tommy our extended families, my son, his friends and other friends.  It is to be feared.  It is to be respected, because just when you think you have it beat the dang devil finds yet a new way to make it look so appealing and the disease makes it nearly impossible to beat.

I have every confidence that Eddie's journey is moving forward without drugs or alcohol being a part of it.

Well, you might say it's about time, but God's timing is always perfect!!

Don't get me wrong Eddie has a lot of work to do, HARD WORK

in his own life

his marriage

our family

but I know the healing God has brought to Eddie's heart and spirit along with his body

and I'm so excited to watch this restoration in my family continue!

As I am being healed from Cancer, God is healing so much more in my world.  He is taking what Satan intended for evil and making it good and for that I am grateful beyond words.

God bless you big brother, God bless you!

Jeremiah 30:17, ESV For I will restore health to you, and your wounds I will heal, declares the Lord…

Isaiah 61:7, ESV Instead of your shame there shall be a double portion; instead of dishonor they shall rejoice in their lot; therefore in their land they shall possess a double portion; they shall have everlasting joy.

Joel 2:25-26, ESV I will restore to you the years that the swarming locust has eaten, the hopper, the destroyer, and the cutter, my great army, which I sent among you. You shall eat in plenty and be satisfied, and praise the name of the Lord your God, who has dealt wondrously with you. And my people shall never again be put to shame.

Job 42:10, ESV And the Lord restored the fortunes of Job, when he had prayed for his friends. And the Lord gave Job twice as much as he had before.

Isaiah 1:18, ESV Come now, let us reason together, says the LORD: though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red like crimson, they shall become like wool.

A Champion's Exit!!

March 12th - 15th and FINAL radiation treatment.

Upon completing of my radiation, I met with Dr. B to review my treatments and talk about what to expect going forward.

As a review, I have had all the radiation I can have at this time for the skull base tumor.  Initially, he radiation causes the mass to swell thus the high dose of steroids.  If the radiation has done its job, once the swelling in the head/brain stop the tumor will hopefully have shrunk and will not progress.  Hopefully within the next month or two the pain will subside as well.  I am still taking a high dose of pain meds to keep me functioning - well, functioning except driving and doing any high level concentrating/reading, etc.  Additionally, the symptoms of the radiation continue to be in full force.  My hair is still falling out - although I swear it looks great!  My forehead looks like i've got a third degree burn on it.  My mouth still has sores and I have thrush.  My ears and nose have sores in them and they hurt.  I am constantly hot and feel some what radiant!!  Oh, maybe the title of this entry should have been SOME PIG.  I'm reminded of Charlotte's spinning of 'Radiant'!  Now, I'm just giving you the rundown of the side effects, I am by no means miserable with any of this.  In addition, I still feel as though I'm filled with helium each day - may face and body remain so swollen, but Im encouraged that this will go away soon as I'm currently dosing down on the steroids!  Yippee.

The doctors, nurses and staff are exceptional in the Radiation Department.  They have been professional, supportive, loving and informed the entire time.  Each patient who enters the radiation department is fighting - we all fight differently.  It was my complete privilege to be a part of that department.  While my number of treatments seemed few, I along with every other patient experienced each step of the process for my individual radiation therapies - finding the blue garage, the blue wing of the hospital, the maroon elevators, the radiation floor, registering and scheduling your treatment dates and times, being fitted for the mask, where to sit, what to wear, what not to wear, when to meet with the doctor after treatment, when to just hightail it out of there and when to EXIT A CHAMPION!

In the Radiation Waiting Room sits a gong and bells awaiting the next Champion's exit.  On the day of your last treatment the staff claps and cheers you out as you ring the GONG and bells. It may seem trite, but it was very empowering.  Dr. Bajaj, the entire staff along with my friends Nancy, Julie and Susan and everyone else in the waiting area cheered me out as I rang the gong and under Dr. B's direction rang it a second time along with the bells!  I will have a followup with him in a month.  Until then I've Exited a Champ!

NEXT STOP, UNCLE JULIUS where Joylyn, Annie and Allyson met Nancy, Julie, Susan and I for an END OF RADIATION celebration!  What fun!

Momma Said There'd Be Days Like This.....

On or around the 11th day you will may begin to experience not so pleasant side effects from the radiation - typically the radiation side effects are worse when the radiation is to the brain.

OF COURSE THEY ARE!!  Momma said....

Actually, It was the Radiology Oncologist Who Said It.....

And he was right!

My hair began to fall out in little clumps.  To date it looks a bit like a shorter version of my cut or a feeble attempt to copy the world's cutest BFF, Nancy's Aiken's hair - photo to follow - she's today's driver.  Meanwhile...

Next, the steroids are fully onboard and while initially, I didn't mind the burst of energy they gave me, I now am suffering a bit from the ongoing ......

Side effects

• Weight gain and water retention (YUP!  I look like a little puffer fish)

• Increased appetite (YUP) but only at night when I'm burning absolutely NO CALORIES!!
• Difficulty sleeping (YAWN)
• Mood changes (POOR RICH)
• A metallic taste in the mouth (YUCK, makes it hard to quench that increased appetite but thankfully the steroids give me the drive to try!!!!)
• Flushing and sweats (CHECK)
• Sores in my throat, ears, nose (ICK)
• Brown spots on my face (UGH)

Rich and I will be meeting with Dr. Heyer, the medical oncologist today.  I expect that he will explain Part Two of my treatment, which I currently understand to be chemo taken daily in the form of a tablet.

Secondly, I have my FINAL radiation treatment today and will meet with Dr. Bajaj afterwords.  Many have asked how we know if the radiation has worked and whether there will be more testing on the skull based tumor or not.  My understanding is initially there will not be any additional testing - it will be based more on the symptoms returning (pain, trouble chewing, swallowing and talking as well as watching for any new syptoms such as nausea, vomiting, vision and/or hearing changes, balance, seizures, etc.)  When the formula for how much and the type of radiation is calculated it is designed to give me as much radiation to the site as possible without doing any longterm irreversible damage.  Meaning, that's it for now.  Doesn't matter if it has shrunk or not, having more radiation is not an option for now.

Had 48 lovely hours with BFF, Gail Suitor who flew in for the weekend.

Rich was our steadfast companion and always a good sport!

My love!

My shrinking hair, puffy faced self!
With the lovely Susan Roy (Monday's driver)

This is special!  Sandi Atkins and her daughter, Stef Durham (who flew in from spokane to spend time with me and my parents).They were Tuesday's chauffeurs and chief errand helpers!

The Week In Selfies!

Dr. Bajaj celebrating the Mikey Mutant with us! 

Nice Win for the Hoos!

Great seats, great game, great win!

Lilli tweeted our pic and we made

it onto the Jumbotron!  

60th Wedding Anniversary Celebration!

Daddy's Girl...Always

Lilli won WLBL's 5th Grade Division Championship.

2nd Title In A Row

Weekend Breakfast with Hunter

MIKEY

A MUTATION is a mistake

(or a change in a living thing's DNA. DNA is a chain of chemical units found in each cell of a living thing. The chemical units are arranged in a particular sequence, or order. This sequence forms a kind of code, called a genetic code, that tells cells what to do. If the chain gets out of order, breaks, or changes in some other way.....

But...

 GOD INTENDED IT FOR GOOD GENESIS 50:20

What you intended to harm me, but god intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done

Genesis 50:20 NIV

PATHOLOGY PRECISION, FINALLY

The report confirmed that I have the EGFR Mutation.  This is a good thing!  Such a good thing that when I arrived Thursday for my radiation treatment, Dr. Bajaj, the Radiology Oncologist congratulated me!  When doctors know that a patient’s lung cancer has specific genetic mutations, they can selectively target it with certain drugs. If the cancer doesn't have any of these mutations, the doctor is left with fewer treatment options. So, A mutant mistake that is endeared to me.

I can't help but think of the Teenaged Mutant Ninja Turtles.

Especially the fun loving Michelangelo.  

WHERE ARE WE

To Date I have completed Seven Radiation Treatments and I have Eight more to go.  The goal remains to shrink the skull based tumor and prevent it from penetrating the brain or the spinal column.  On top of the treatments being easy, I have had such delightful chauffeurs!  Each one has been a complete blessing to me.   I feel pretty good with just some minor pains in my hips, knees and throat.  Other than that I'm a bit tired - this week I am going to work on a better sleep/rest pattern for me and Primrose!


Rich and I will be meeting with the Dr. Heyer this week or next to lay out the drug plan which I believe will be done in pill format so I will not have to go into the office for treatment, I simply am taking pills.  This is what I believe is going to happen, but standing by for complete instructions.